Posts Tagged ‘Tiger Woods’

PORN STAR CATFIGHT ERUPTS OVER TIGER WOODS

October 5, 2010

DEVON JAMES

Joslyn James Cleavage

JOSLYN JAMES

A pair of porn stars, both of whom claim to have had sex with golfer Tiger Woods are feuding and it’s getting ugly. The battle between Devon James and Joslyn James (no relation) has become so intense that the former has threatened to “kill” her rival.

Devon James claims that Joslyn is “evil” and “everyone hates that bitch.”

Joslyn James counters by saying Devon is bad in bed.

WORST…MISTRESS…EVAH!

August 25, 2010

RACHEL UCHITEL

With his divorce now final and his ex-wife running to People magazine, golfer Tiger Woods is officially a free agent again. There’s lots of speculation about what that means but here’s an idea: DON’T go within 1,000 miles of your gold digging former mistress Rachel Uchitel.

Elin Nordegren Speaks: 'I Feel Stronger Than I Ever Have' | Elin Nordegren

Uchitel recently gave an interview where she said she wanted to “rekindle” her relationship with Woods. No Way! Tiger would be smarter to light HIMSELF on fire. More than anyone, Uchitel is responsible for ruining Woods’ life.

Uchitel has apparently had three ways of making money over the past couple of years:

* nightclub VIP hostess

* purveyor of prostitutes and drugs for rich guys

* banging celebrities

Unfortunately, Uchitel sucked at all three jobs and for the same reason-SHE COULDN’T KEEP HER MOUTH SHUT.

Here’s the photo the attorney for actor David Boreanaz’s wife got to take into divorce court. While she was seven months pregnant. It’s a picture Uchitel posed for:

ACTOR DAVID BOREANAZ ALSO HAD HIS LIFE RUINED BY RACHEL UCHITEL

If you want to keep score of how bad a mistress Uchitel is you can add the millions she cost Boreanaz to the HUNDREDS of millions she cost Tiger Woods. Now, THAT’S a bad mistresss!

ALL of Woods’ mistresses (and there were probably 40 of them) managed to keep their mouths shut while he was cheating on Elin Nordegren. Even the ones missing teeth.

JAIMEE GRUBBS

Plus, at least Jaimee Grubbs had enough sense to DENY! DENY! DENY! when confronted by Woods’ angry wife on a cell phone call.

All of Woods’ philandering became public knowledge because the National Enquirer broke the story of the golfer’s infidelities. Their source was a drug-addled party girl named Ashley Samson that Uchitel shot her mouth off to. Uchitel told Samson all about her affair with Woods who then told the National Enquirer (for money.)

UCHITEL AND FELLOW SLUT ASHLEY SAMSON

Uchitel then not only lied about the affair with Woods to the media but lied about the National Enquire as well. Bad move. The tabloid proceeded to CRUCIFY her. In what could probably be a textbook case in future college classes of Yellow Journalism 101, the Enquirer came out with a scathing story accusing Uchitel of being a liar and a homewrecker “who has a reputation for dating married celebrities.”

The Enquirer also portrayed Uchitel as a sexting and drug addict while calling her a “liar” in print. Finally, the tabloid not only flat out says that Uchitel uses drugs but runs a quote from her telling a friend that she LOVES drugs,

“because you have crazier sex.”

TIGER WOODS SHOOTS THE WORST 72 HOLES OF GOLF OF HIS LIFE

August 8, 2010

TIGER WOODS

Talk about piling on! EVERYBODY likes to kick a guy when he’s down.

Thus, after golfer Tiger Woods finished the poorest performance of his career this weekend, critics were quick to pounce. International headlines screamed, “Humiliation!” Woods shot a 7 over par 72 Sunday and finished the Bridgestone Invitational at an incredibly miserable 18 over par. It was the worst 72-hole total of Woods’ professional or amateur career and came in a tournament he had previously dominated. Woods has won the Bridgestone seven times.

Woods moped through Sunday sucking shot after shot. With a newly-acquired goatee, he literally looked like his own evil twin.

As the late basketball star Wilt Chamberlain was fond of saying, “Nobody roots for Goliath.” Woods’ unaccustomed failures have allowed critics to attack a guy who not that long ago seemed invincible and a shoo-in to break Jack Nicklaus’ record for most Major victories. Some are demanding he be kicked off the Ryder Cup team. Others seem positively delighted at Woods’ failures.

All of this will simply make it even sweeter when Woods returns to form and starts winning golf tournaments again. If he DOESN’T return to form it won’t matter. It will simply mean that NOBODY is watching golf anymore and the sport will fade into obscurity.

TIGER’S EVIL TWIN?

HE’S BACK

June 20, 2010

TIGER WOODS

For the first time in a long time people are writing and talking about Tiger Woods and it actually has to do with his brilliant golf play. Woods put together one of the greatest nine holes of his life Saturday. Woods shot a third round 66 at the U.S. Open including a 31 on the back nine. That enabled him to move from tied for 25th place to third heading into today’s final round.

It was by far Woods’ best golf since his return from injury and scandal.

GREATEST SPORTSCASTING FREUDIAN SLIP OF THE CENTURY

May 10, 2010

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Golf  Channel announcer Win McMurry reports Tiger Woods is suffering from a “bulging dick.” The on-air mistake was first noticed by the intrepid minds at Deadspin.com.

Win McMurry's verbal slip makes Tiger's back injury into something more risque. CLICK FOR A GALLERY OF TIGER WOOD'S HISTORY WITH WOMEN.

WIN MCMURRY

NOTED ADULTERER JIM NANTZ UPSET WITH TIGER WOODS SWEARING

April 14, 2010

TIGER WOODS GOES ALL TIGER WOODS FOLLOWING AN ERRANT SHOT AT THE MASTERS

Jim Nantz is upset that golfer Tiger Woods took the Lord’s name in vain at last weekend’s Masters golf tournament. Nantz is an expert on breaking commandments. Just ask his ex-wife.

After mis-hitting a tee shot on the 6th hole Saturday, Woods was caught on-camera yelling to himself, “Tiger Woods, you suck! God damn it!”

Woods also screamed, “Jesus Christ!” on-camera following another bad shot.

Nantz was not impressed. In an interview with WFAN Radio’s  Mike Francesa, Nantz scolded Woods for his use of obscene language. Said Nantz, “What are the parameters between what’s right and wrong?”

Um, dude, how about commiting adulterty with a girl in her 20s when you’re in your 50s? Where does that fall in the “parameters between what’s right and wrong?”

Nantz literally then pulls out the what-about-the-children argument to criticize Woods’ language complaining about kids watching the Masters being exposed to bad language.The only thing Nantz knows about children is that he’s sleeping with one.

JIM NANTZ AND HIS TWENTY-SOMETHING GIRLFRIEND

TIGER CAUGHT SWEARING AT THE MASTERS

April 11, 2010

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Golfer Tiger Woods, after hitting a bad tee shot on the sixth hole Saturday, audibly swore on CBS network television coverage. The cursing was picked up by live tv cameras. The complete transcript of Tiger’s tirade:

“Suck!…God damn it!”

TIGER WOODS GETS LECTURED BY HIS DEAD FATHER IN NEWEST NIKE COMMERCIAL

April 8, 2010

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SALES FOR TIGER WOODS ITEMS AT AN ALL-TIME HIGH

March 31, 2010

Today’s Wall Street Journal reports that sales of Tiger Woods apparel is actually HIGHER following his sex scandal.

TIGER WOODS STATEMENT MAKES WEENIE GOLF CHANNEL ANNOUNCER CRY

February 20, 2010

CHARLIE RYMER

Announcer Charlie Rymer of the Golf Channel is being ripped after actually crying on the air while analyzing Tiger Woods’ return to the public via his aplogy “press conference” Friday afternoon. Several websites and columnists brutalized Rymer for his emotion following what was a fairly robotic and emotion-free performance by Woods himself.

Some saw Woods’ mia culpa as so bad that it actually led to MULTIPLE parody pieces. You know it didn’t go well when Dr. Drew says Tiger has something  “very wrong” with him.


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