Time for Gwyneth Paltrow to be led off to the guillotine

GWYNETH PALTROW

You know, in a better and more just time in world history, like the French Revolution, actress Gwyneth Paltrow would have been put to death by guillotine. Just out of sheer principle. Previously tagged with charges of “elitism,” Paltrow signed a multi-million dollar endorsement deal with luxury handbag manufacturer Coach Inc., yesterday.

Paltrow is already known as the world’s most out-of-touch blogger. Now she’s going to be pimping $1,200 handbags and $398 coin purses made out of genuine python skin. During the height of the recession, Paltrow advised her readers who might be depressed to do what she does when she’s feeling a little down-jet off on an intercontinental jet flight and have breakfast with daddy in the restaurant at the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris.

Such Let-Them-Eat-Cake-ism advice has led Paltrow to be mocked and branded as “the world’s worst blogger.” Paltrow has also recieved a host of scathing reviews. The New York Times called Paltrow’s writings “Fatuos.” Meanwhile, a Toronto paper chimed in that Paltrow’s blog is called “Goop” because“‘Learn From Me, Ungrateful Peasant’ was already taken.”

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