BARTOLO COLON: FAT AND HAPPY
It’s a miracle! Former Cleveland Indians All-Star Bartolo Colon this season has gone from being a 37-year-old unemployed pitcher with a torn rotator cuff to an undeated starter with the New York Yankees who has a 2.00 ERA and suddenly throws 95 mph. Better yet, it’s all thanks to the miracle of fat.
That’s right, Colon reportedly underwent a “revolutionary” new medical treatment in the Dominican Republic where doctors used a unique stem cell surgery to fix Colon’s ruined arm. The doctors withdrew fat from the pitcher’s big, 300-pound ass (literally) and mixed it with his own stem cells. They then injected the mixture into the area surrounding Colon’s rotator cuff. Voila, miracle cure! Colon is suddenly throwing better than ever after being out of baseball last year.
However, people are suspicious of Colon’s miracle ass fat injection treatment. Particularly those at Major League Baseball. Recently, both the New York Times and L.A. Times have run skeptical stories regarding Colon’s supposed fat-injection, stem cell treatment.They note that his Dominican Republic doctor has been involved with banned substances such as HGH in the past. The doctor, though, swears he did not use HGH on Colon. Just a mixture of stem cells and ass fat.