Archive for the ‘football’ Category

WEIRDEST UFL COMMERCIAL EVER

September 17, 2010

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CFL TEAM HIRES SEX OFFENDER AS GM

September 15, 2010

ERIC TILLMAN: NOW THE MOST FAMOUS SEX OFFENDER IN CANADA

The Edmonton Eskimos of the Canadian Football League are receiving an avalanche of criticism after hiring convicted sex offender Eric Tillman as the club’s new GM. Tillman plead guity in January to sexually assaulting his 16-year-old babysitter.

The issue was so controversial in Canada that the Edmonton Sun had no less than eight stories and columns on their website about Tillman’s hiring. To make matters worse, the Eskimos, similar to theGreen Bay Packers, area community owned team.

HIGH SCHOOL PLAYER SCORES GAME-WINNING TD, DROPS DEAD, COMES BACK

September 14, 2010

 

Dad wants mandatory heart screenings for student athletes

HAYWARD DEMISON

In an amazing story, an Oregon high school football player named Hayward Demison scored the winning touchdown in Central Catholic’s victoryon Friday. Moments later the 17-year-old collapsed on the field after suffering a heart attack. Demison was clinically dead for two minutes.

After his heart stopped, Demison was given CPR by a cardiac nurse who just happened to be in the stands. That nurse saved his life. Demison is scheduled to have heart surgery next week.

VIDEO

Nurse saves Oregon football player after heart attack

DENSON REMAINS IN THE HOSPITAL

JACK NICKLAUS’ FINGER FLIPPING GRANDSON SUSPENDED

September 9, 2010

NICK O’LEARY

This is why putting high school football games on national television is crap.

The Florida High School Athletic Association has suspended Dwyer tight end Nick O’Leary for two games. O’Leary is the grandson of legendary golfer Jack Nicklaus and one of the top tight end prospects in the country.

Dwyer’s game against an Ohio high school was televised by ESPN recently. At the the end of the game Dwyer scored what looked like the winning touchdown. Unfortunately, the refs totally blew the call. Following the loss, O’Leary was seen on the sidelines flipping off the the referee.

O’Leary has been suspended for two games. His team has chosen not to play those two games.

TALE OF TWO DEVIANTS

August 30, 2010

MAURICE CLARETT: OUT OF PRISON UNIFORM AND INTO UFL ONE

TONY WASHINGTON: MAY NEVER WEAR ANY UNIFORM SHORT OF BURGER KING’S

This is a story of two of football’s biggest pariahs. One, who was widely recognized as the most famously disgraced college athlete in history, just spent a couple of years in prison after being an armed robber. The other was skipped in this year’s NFL Draft and is known as “dude who raped his own sister.” Both are seeking redemption and shots at professional football.

Maurice Clarett, a running back, had one of the greatest freshman seasons in the history of college football. He ran for 1,237 yards and scored a school record 18 touchdowns while leading Ohio State to the 2002 BCS Championship. Clarett then scored the game-winning td in the Fiesta Bowl. However, after the game, Clarett declared for the NFL Draft. Unfortunately, he wasn’t eligible to play in the NFL until after his junior season. Clarett also lost his college eligibility after declaring for the draft. Following a couple of unsuccessful court rulings, Clarett spent two years in limbo before getting a shot with the NFL’s Denver Broncos. He promptly washed out and was cut in training camp. Faced with a bleak future, Clarett turned to a life of crime. He robbed an Ohio couple at gunpoint, became known as “The Grey Goose Bandit,” and was involved in one of the most famous running back/police chases this side of O.J. Clarett was eventually convicted of armed robbery and spent 3 1/2 years in prison where he reached new lows as a blogger.

CLARETT ARRESTED

MAURICE CLARETT’S PASSENGER SEAT THE DAY OF HIS ARREST

However, Clarett’s story may have a happy ending. He was just released from prison and allowed to sign a professional football contract with the UFL’s Omaha Nighthawks. Clarett will at least get the CHANCE to play professional football this season. Tony Washington may never get that chance.

Washington was a star offensive tackle at Abilene Christian last season. Following a brilliant showing at the combine and going into the 2010 NFL Draft, Washington was projected as a secound round draft pick. Instead, Washington became football’s most notorious registered sex offender after word leaked out that he had been convicted of raping his own 15-year-old sister. Washington then went undrafted and no team signed him as a free agent.

Last week, ESPN The Magazine ran a mildly positive piece entitled “Unforgiven” on Washington. Written by a female reporter, the article explains how the sex between Washington and his sister was consensual and a one-time thing done mainly out of the boredom of living in Mississippi. Still sickening and taboo, but it doesn’t exactly portray Washington as the “rapist” he was presented as. The ESPN piece even reports that fact that even though they had sex, Washington and sister “never kissed.” Ick!!!!

Still, wary NFL teams have fled from the prospect of having a registered sex offender in camp.Washington never got a job offer from an NFL team. Even the UFL, which just signed Clarett, has treated Washington as radioactive.

DEREK FISHER DAGGERS THE JAZZ

May 9, 2010

TATUM FISHER: UTAH HATES CHILDREN WITH CANCER

NBA fans in Utah still hate Derek Fisher. And his cancer-stricken daughter.

Saturday night, Fisher hit the go ahead three-pointer in Salt Lake City to give his Los Angeles Lakers a 111-110 victory over the Utah Jazz, his former club. The Lakers now hold a vrtually insurmounatable 3-0 lead in their best of seven series. A couple of seasons ago, the Jazz let Fisher out of his contract. The move was ostensibly made so that Fisher could seek medical treatment for his infant daughter who had developed a cancerous tumor in her eye. Fisher had asked to play in either Los Angeles, Cleveland, or New York city. His only motivation for changing teams was to get the best cancer treatment for his daughter.

At the time, numerous articles were published praising both Fisher and the Jazz. However, Fisher has since won another NBA championship ring with the Lakers and Jazz fans apparently are now having a change of heart. Fisher is now a pariah with the usually docile Jazz fans. Yahoo! Sports detailed how Utah fans covered their left eyes while Fisher shot free throws and even held up photos of his daughter. They chanted “Fisher sucks!” during every game. Things got so bad that Fisher told Yahoo! that he’s not leaving his hotel room and his wife has not made the trip to Utah for the playoffs.

Stay classy, Utah.

CLASSY JAZZ FAN TAUNTS DEREK FISHER ABOUT HIS CHILD’S CANCER

EVERYTHING’S BIG IN TEXAS: $60 MILLION HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL STADIUM

April 16, 2010

How serious are folks about their high school football in the state of Texas?

Check out the story about the new $59.6 million HIGH SCHOOL football stadium being built in Allen,Texas (outside of Dallas.)

CONFIRMED: NANCY PELOSI’S HUSBAND IS A MORON

December 1, 2009

Here’s the biggest number in the history of the UFL: the fledgling United Football League lost $30 million this year.

In October, we posted an article detailing how out of touch with reality California Redwoods owner Paul Pelosi was. Pelosi is the San Francisco investment banker who spent $12 million of his own money to buy the Redwoods. He is also the husband of U.S. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. Pelosi had told the Washington Post that he planned to TRIPLE his money buying the Redwoods. Instead, Mike Florio of Pro Football Talk says the Redwoods may be looking to move next season.

SportsBusiness Journal originally reported the $30 million figure.

PAUL PELOSI

THE UFL IS DOOMED AFTER TWO WEEKS

October 23, 2009

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This isn’t a good sign.

Fanhouse.com is reporting that attendance for the fledgling United Football League has been so horrific that remaining games are being moved to smaller stadiums. The New York Sentinels were scheduled to play their home games at Citi Field. Demand for tickets has been so low that the games have been moved to on campus at Hofstra University. Yikes!

Also, the California Redwoods drew just 6,341 fans to their home  opener. That’s prompted a move from AT&T Park to Spartan Stadium at San Jose State. The move has made Redwoods owner/investment banker Paul Pelosi look like a complete and total idiot. Just last week, Pelosi was in the Washington Post BRAGGING about spending $16 million dollars on the club. Pelosi, the Redwoods sole owner, was predicting he was going to triple his money on that $16 million investment. He is the husband of U.S. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi.

The Las Vegas Locomotives were supposed to play at the Home Depot Center in Los Angeles next month, which is a glorified minor league soccer stadium. Ticket sales were so abysmal that the game has been moved back to Vegas. The league is trying to spin the move as a “reward” to Las Vegas for drawing a league-record 14,209 fans. However, the Las Vegas Review-Journal estimated that those attendance numbers were inflated by about 200% of the actual crowd. The Locos were just forced to drop their ticket prices to $10 a game.

You know things are bad when the UFL’s official website has a discussion thread in their chatroom entitled “Another Small Crowd.”

Tirico Suave posted a picture from the Florida Tuskers first home game at the Citrus Bowl:

 

 

UFL GAMES HAVE BEEN MARKED BY SPARSE ATTENDANCE

MR. NANCY PELOSI IS A MORON WHO DOESN’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT FOOTBALL

October 17, 2009

SINCE CALIFORNIA IS A COMMUNITY PROPERTY STATE (AND SHE’S MARRIED TO AN IDIOT) SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE NANCY PELOSI IS THE OWNER OF THE UFL’S CALIFORNIA REDWOODS

With amongst the smallest crowds in the history of “professional” sports, nonexistant tv ratings, no quality players and only four teams in the entire “league,” did you ever wonder what type of idiot would invest his money in the United Football League?

Meet Paul Pelosi. Pelosi is best known as the husband of the most powerful woman in Washington. He is married to the U.S. Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi.

Apparently, Mr. Nancy Pelosi is some type of investment banker. If the rest of his business acumen matches his sports knowledge, Pelosi might be the worst investment banker in the world. He’s the guy who repeatedly passed on chance after chance to invest in an NFL team and just bought the California Redwoods of the UFL. 

Pelosi’s best friend in college, at Georgetown, was Paul Tagliabue. He eventually became NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue. For years, he apparently tried to get Pelosi to invest in an NFL franchise. No luck. Paul Pelosi didn’t consider a National Football League team a good investment. Yet, Pelosi recently leapt at the chance to own his own UFL team. He plunked down $12 million dollars to be the sole owner of the Redwoods. Originally, Pelosi was supposed to be a minority owner. However, not one single other person in the United States of America (let alone the San Francisco Bay area) would invest a dime in the franchise. And, get this: Pelosi told the Washington Post that he expects to triple his money by owning the California Redwoods.

What an idiot!

Pelosi called the UFL “a very solid financial investment.” Yeah, right. That’s why the league could only find four owners in the entire country. He also expects a “nice return” from his team financially. You might want to keep this quote for posterity. Says Pelosi,

 

“This is a business, I look at it as a business. I’m in this because I think it is a very solid financial investment that is going to be very successful.”

 

The UFL drew a zero share in its first week of tv ratings on VERSUS (actually 0.25.) They have exactly zero national sponsors and have averaged 5,000 fans per game. The Redwoods play their home games in beautiful downtown Oakland.

Pelosi also apparently thnks his fans are color blind: