Archive for the ‘golf’ Category

JERRY RICE GOLF DEBACLE

May 15, 2010

Jerry Rice (AP Photo/Dino Vournas)

JERRY RICE

Jerry Rice may be the greatest football player of all-time. It all evens out because he may also be the worst professional golfer ever.

Rice was inexplicably asked to compete in a pair of golf tournaments on the Nationwide Tour recently. Thursday, he shot a record (bad) 20-over par 92. Rice had a 10 on one hole as well as an eight and two sevens. His round was so awful that he refused to comment on it.

Friday was even worse. Not only did Rice fire a ten-over 82, but he was DQ’D for using a laser guided range finder.

GREATEST SPORTSCASTING FREUDIAN SLIP OF THE CENTURY

May 10, 2010

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Golf  Channel announcer Win McMurry reports Tiger Woods is suffering from a “bulging dick.” The on-air mistake was first noticed by the intrepid minds at Deadspin.com.

Win McMurry's verbal slip makes Tiger's back injury into something more risque. CLICK FOR A GALLERY OF TIGER WOOD'S HISTORY WITH WOMEN.

WIN MCMURRY

NOTED ADULTERER JIM NANTZ UPSET WITH TIGER WOODS SWEARING

April 14, 2010

TIGER WOODS GOES ALL TIGER WOODS FOLLOWING AN ERRANT SHOT AT THE MASTERS

Jim Nantz is upset that golfer Tiger Woods took the Lord’s name in vain at last weekend’s Masters golf tournament. Nantz is an expert on breaking commandments. Just ask his ex-wife.

After mis-hitting a tee shot on the 6th hole Saturday, Woods was caught on-camera yelling to himself, “Tiger Woods, you suck! God damn it!”

Woods also screamed, “Jesus Christ!” on-camera following another bad shot.

Nantz was not impressed. In an interview with WFAN Radio’s  Mike Francesa, Nantz scolded Woods for his use of obscene language. Said Nantz, “What are the parameters between what’s right and wrong?”

Um, dude, how about commiting adulterty with a girl in her 20s when you’re in your 50s? Where does that fall in the “parameters between what’s right and wrong?”

Nantz literally then pulls out the what-about-the-children argument to criticize Woods’ language complaining about kids watching the Masters being exposed to bad language.The only thing Nantz knows about children is that he’s sleeping with one.

JIM NANTZ AND HIS TWENTY-SOMETHING GIRLFRIEND

TIGER CAUGHT SWEARING AT THE MASTERS

April 11, 2010

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Golfer Tiger Woods, after hitting a bad tee shot on the sixth hole Saturday, audibly swore on CBS network television coverage. The cursing was picked up by live tv cameras. The complete transcript of Tiger’s tirade:

“Suck!…God damn it!”

CHARLES BARKLEY RIPS MASTERS HEAD/WHITE GUY AS AN “UNCLE TOM”

April 9, 2010

Former NBA great Charles Barkley has long been a friend of Tiger Woods. If the tabloids are to be believed, Barkley has even mentored the golfer in the fine art of adultery.

Yesterday, Barkley went on FoxSports Radio to defend Woods. Billy Payne, the Augusta National chairman and head of the Masters golf tournament had blasted Woods earlier in the week. Payne criticized Woods for letting down “our children and grandchildren” at the Masters press conference on Wednesday. Barkley responded by calling Payne a “punk ass” and an “Uncle Tom” during yesterday’s radio interview.

The interview may mark the first time in history that a white man has been referred to as an “Uncle Tom” (a fictional character from the Harriet Beecher Stowe novel.)

Barkley also added, “I wish someone would just walk up and punch him (Payne) in the face.”

TIGER WOODS GETS LECTURED BY HIS DEAD FATHER IN NEWEST NIKE COMMERCIAL

April 8, 2010

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SALES FOR TIGER WOODS ITEMS AT AN ALL-TIME HIGH

March 31, 2010

Today’s Wall Street Journal reports that sales of Tiger Woods apparel is actually HIGHER following his sex scandal.

TIGER WOODS STATEMENT MAKES WEENIE GOLF CHANNEL ANNOUNCER CRY

February 20, 2010

CHARLIE RYMER

Announcer Charlie Rymer of the Golf Channel is being ripped after actually crying on the air while analyzing Tiger Woods’ return to the public via his aplogy “press conference” Friday afternoon. Several websites and columnists brutalized Rymer for his emotion following what was a fairly robotic and emotion-free performance by Woods himself.

Some saw Woods’ mia culpa as so bad that it actually led to MULTIPLE parody pieces. You know it didn’t go well when Dr. Drew says Tiger has something  “very wrong” with him.

TIGER WOODS STATEMENT

February 19, 2010

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FEMINIST ATTORNEY GLORIA ALLRED: ADULTERY IS OKAY BUT GOLF = VIOLENCE TOWARDS WOMEN

February 17, 2010

TMZ is reporting that one of Tiger Woods’ mistresses is angry. Former porn star Joslyn James actually held a press conference to complain about a set of “Tail of the Tiger” novelty golf balls that is being sold on the Internet. The golf balls feature cartoon caricatures of all of the women the golfer slept with and are assembled in “The Mistress Collection.”

Attorney Gloria Allred claims putting a woman’s face on a golf ball encourages violence towards women because men strike the balls (and therefore the women’s faces) with a (golf) club. Besides, her clients didn’t get paid for their likenesses.

RACHEL UCHITEL GOLF BALL