Posts Tagged ‘University of Alabama’

MORE TREE-POISONING GUY AWESOMENESS

February 20, 2011

Remember Harvey Updyke? He’s the over the top Alabama football fan who murdered the legendary “Toomer Trees” on the Auburn campus by poisoning them by using a massive herbicide on the pair of 130-year-old oaks.

Updyke faces up to 10 years in prison and his family is still getting death threats. He is reportedly such a hoge Alabama fan that he named his kids Crimson and Bear. Updyke was busted after calling a Birmingham sports talk show and bragging about killing the trees.

Updyke awesomely flipped off a tv camera crew after being after being arraigned:

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FOOTBALL’S KINDA BIG IN ALABAMA

February 2, 2011

How big is college football National Signing Day in Alabama?

Big enough that the University of Alabama put a web cam on their fax machine so that fans could see the letters of intent from high school athletes coming in live. Granted, the school also put a sexy cheerleader next to the fax machine to post names.

The site got so many hits that it was able to run national commercials from companies like Arby’s.

NICK SABAN: NOT DEAD, BUT GETTING A STATUE

January 29, 2010

STATUES OF NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP-WINNING COACHES WALLACE WADE, FRANK THOMAS, BEAR BRYANT AND GENE STALLINGS OUTSIDE BRYANT-DENNY STADIUM IN TUSCALOOSA

Work has already started on a statue of University of Alabama football coach Nick Saban. The statue will be placed outside the school’s stadium next to those of the Crimson Tide’s previous four national championship-winning coaches.

ALABAMA WINS NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP: OBAMA NEEDS TO INVITE BOISE STATE TO THE WHITE HOUSE

January 8, 2010

Alabama won college football’s BCS title game Thursday night with a 37-21 victory over Texas. That gives them the mythical National Championship. Without a playoff system in place, the emphasis is on “mythical.”

President Obama is on record as favoring a playoff for college football. It’s the one topic in Washington that can actually garner bipartisan support. When your system is more corrupt than Congress, it’s time to start making arrests.

Yahoo! Sports has the perfect solution. Columnist Dan Wetzel is actually calling for Obama to invite Boise State to the White House instead of the winner of the corrupt BCS system. Wetzel contends that symbolic move would “bust the BCS.” A Sports Illustrated poll showed that 90% of fans are against the Bowl Championship Series system. There is already a bill (House Resolution 390) before Congress to stop the BCS from calling their title game a “National Championship.”

ALABAMA DOESN’T THINK MUCH OF FANCY BOOK LEARNIN’ AND THE NCAA DOESN’T THINK MUCH OF ALABAMA

October 18, 2009

Earlier this year several sports programs at the University of Alabama were involved in a text book scandal. Athletes were getting (selling?) textbooks for their classmates that they received for free on scholarship.

The NCAA pounded Alabama putting several sports including mens track and tennis on probation and made them forfeit some games from previous seasons. Since the penalties also involved the hallowed Tide football program giving up some wins, Alabama decided to appeal the decision.

This week, the NCAA Committe on Infractions issued its decision and it wasn’t pretty. Not only was Alabama denied in their appeal, but the NCAA went out of their way to publish exactly what they thought of the Alabama program. Among the conclusions the committee made about Alabama were:

 

“Serial repeat offender.”

“Abysmal infractions track record.”

“An institution with an appalling and unprecedented recent infractions history.”

“Extensive recent history of infractions cases … unmatched by any other member institution in the NCAA.”

 

 

As the Birmingham News pointed out, the Alabama football program had better take note because, “Somebody up there in Indianapolis doesn’t like you.”

The paper even brought up the unthinkable-the possibility of the dreaded “death penalty” if there are any more shenanigans by the Alababama football program.

COLUMNIST CALLS ANDRE SMITH “THE BIGGEST LOSER”

February 23, 2009

 

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ANDRE SMITH

University of Alabama offensive tackle Andre Smith isn’t the first 22-year-old kid to blow his first job interview. He just might be the only one who lost $23.8 million by doing so.

Smith had arguably the worst NFL combine weekend in the history of the league. He refused to work out for NFL clubs, then disappeared and even the few clubs that he simply sat down and talked to viewed Smith as

Smith’s combine flameout was so epic that Darren Rovell, who writes a sports business column for CNBC, devoted an entire piece to Smith’s stupidity. He eviscerate’s Smith in an article where he calls the young tackle “The Biggest Loser.” Rovell’s the one who came up with the $23.8 million figure. It’s based on the guaranteed money Smith would have gotten had he been a top three pick in this year’s NFL Draft (as was predicted before this weekend) and where he will end up being drafted (end of first round) based on his acting like an idiot this weekend. Profootball Talk, The Sporting News and numerous other websites, newspapers and publications have feature articles on Smith’s spectacular failure this weekend.