Raiders cheerleader is a GMILF

SUSIE SANCHEZ

Busted Coverage is reporting that a 37-year-old grandmother has made the Oakland Raiders cheerleading squad.

84-year-old jailed Louisiana governor marries prison pen pal

THE HAPPY COUPLE

Former Louisiana governor Edwin Edwards is one of the most awesome politicians EVER. Particularly of those politicians who have actually been sent to prison.

Edwards, who was just recently released from federal prison after serving eight plus years on racketeering charges, was married today. Edwards married his hot, blonde, 32-year-old prison pen pal, Trina Grimes Scott.

I’m sure the fact that the lovely bride has tried to ink a reality tv deal has nothing to do with the marriage. Edwards has been married three times, the first time in 1949. He is also a great-grandfather and responsible for two of the all-time greatest quotes in American political history.

* While running against former Ku Klux Klan Grand Wizard David Duke for governor in 1992, Edwards was quoted as saying, “The only way I can lose this election is if I’m caught in bed with a dead girl or a live boy.”

* Commenting on the “similarities” between Duke and himself, Edwards noted the only thing they had in common was, “We’re both wizards beneath the sheets.”

Dumped fiancee calls Jay Cutler “a loser and a pussy”

JAY CUTLER

The celebrity gossip website Hollywoodlife.com is reporting that neighbors say they often heard arguments between despised Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler and his jilted fiancee, Kristin Cavallari, through the walls of their apartment.

One neighbor says he heard Cavallari screaming at Cutler, calling him a “loser and a pussy.” This is the best Cutler story since former Green Bay Packer Greg Koch accused him of having his “tampon fall out on national tv.”

The neighbor also claims that Cavallari regularly taunted Cutler about “faking” his infamous knee in injury in last year’s NFC Championship game.

Apple has more cash than the U.S. Government

As cultist Republican Congressman prepare to destroy the American economy today by refusing to raise the debt ceiling, they may want to consider this: According to daily statistics provided by the U.S. Treasury, the government actually has less cash on hand than the computer company Apple.

Businessinsider.com has an amazing article today. It explains that, as of yesterday, the United States of America has $73.8 billion of actual cash on hand laying around. Apple’s last earnings report indicates they have $76.2 billion in cash.

Debt crisis looms: Whose fault is it, Amy Winehouse or manatees?

TEA PARTIERS HAVE A SEA COW

Congress cannot get its act together. As America’s debt limit crisis looms and the country careens towards default, politicians and talk show hosts are busy assigning blame as to whose fault this is. You could blame President Barack Obama. You can blame Democrats, Republicans, Congress or the Tea Party. All are the legitimate subject of voters ire.

However, politicians and pundits are already scrambling to deflect blame and some of the excuses they’ve come up are simply astounding. Former politician and cabinet member turned talk show host Bill Bennett penned a column for CNN. He blamed the nation’s problems on recently-dead singer Amy Winehouse. Seriously. Bennett says our nation’s problems can be traced back to an exact moment-2008 when Amy Winehouse was given a Grammy for Record of the Year. Right, this nation is going to hell and it’s Amy Winehouse’s fault.

Meanwhile, Tea Party members in Florida don’t blame Amy Winehouse for our nation’s ills at all. According to them it’s the fault of manatees. A spokeswoman for Citrus County Tea Party Patriots has declared laws protecting the endangered fat sea mammals to be “against the Bible and the Bill of Rights.”

 

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Latest Republican Obama/Chinese ad

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Useless dolt Rick Sanchez finally gets another broadcasting job

RICK SANCHEZ

Former CNN anchor Rick Sanchez finally has another job after crashing and burning his cable news career back in October. Sanchez has been named to do Florida International college football broadcasts this season. Sanchez adnitted to the Miami Herald that he’s not even getting paid to do the FIU games.

The Cuban Ted Baxter had been gassed by CNN after claiming a Jewish media conspiracy and calling Comedy Central host Jon Stewart a “bigot.”

Pervert Congressman David Wu resigns

Brian Wilson and Tim Lincecum at the White House photo

IN-N-OUT ripoff?

IN-N-OUT Burger is a legendary hamburger chain from California. They have a fanatically loyal following despite the fact that, other than an occassional forray into Southwest cities like Vegas and Phoenix, the restaurant has not ventured out of its SoCal borders very often.

Now IN-N-OUT is threatening to sue a hamburger stand in Boise, Idaho. IN-N-OUT claims the restaurant blatantly ripped them off. They’ve actually got a pretty good point. Burger Express has adopted the identical colors, and food presentation as IN-N-OUT. Likewise, Burger Express has mimicked IN-N-OUT’s furniture, logo (a “check” instead of an arrow), and menu.