Archive for the ‘animals’ Category

Debt crisis looms: Whose fault is it, Amy Winehouse or manatees?

July 28, 2011


Congress cannot get its act together. As America’s debt limit crisis looms and the country careens towards default, politicians and talk show hosts are busy assigning blame as to whose fault this is. You could blame President Barack Obama. You can blame Democrats, Republicans, Congress or the Tea Party. All are the legitimate subject of voters ire.

However, politicians and pundits are already scrambling to deflect blame and some of the excuses they’ve come up are simply astounding. Former politician and cabinet member turned talk show host Bill Bennett penned a column for CNN. He blamed the nation’s problems on recently-dead singer Amy Winehouse. Seriously. Bennett says our nation’s problems can be traced back to an exact moment-2008 when Amy Winehouse was given a Grammy for Record of the Year. Right, this nation is going to hell and it’s Amy Winehouse’s fault.

Meanwhile, Tea Party members in Florida don’t blame Amy Winehouse for our nation’s ills at all. According to them it’s the fault of manatees. A spokeswoman for Citrus County Tea Party Patriots has declared laws protecting the endangered fat sea mammals to be “against the Bible and the Bill of Rights.”



Dog bites shark

July 17, 2011


Actual headline: “Horse Herpes Outbreak Forces Rodeo Queens to Ride Stick Ponies”

May 27, 2011


Image of Jesus on a turtle (or maybe Darth Vader)

May 23, 2011

'Holy Turtle' Found on 'Day of Rapture'

Bronx Zoo cobra now needs an agent

April 7, 2011


The “Bronx Zoo Cobra” now has an official name. Not to mention a press staff. The name chosen by an online vote is “Mia.” Mia is apparently now drawing huge crowds and is The Bronx Zoo’snumber one attraction.

The world’s most well reptile became famous after briefly disappearing from captivity. The snake even has its own Twitter page.

Scientists create genetically altered cows that can produce human breast milk

April 3, 2011


Alpaca sex news blooper of the day

March 25, 2011


Worst. Typo. Ever!

March 24, 2011

Video of Knut the polar bear dropping dead

March 23, 2011



January 23, 2011

A 70-year-old woman has been found not guilty of animal cruelty charges in Hawaii after beating one of her condo’s peacocks to death with a baseball bat. After killing the bird, Sandra Maloney was caught hauling the dead peacock off in a bag, claiming she intended to eat it.

Maloney testified in court last week that she was driven to near madness by the peacocks on her property’s constant squawking and pooping. Maloney said she “just lost it” after one bird “took a dump” on her barbeque. Maloney also says she intended to put the bird in a bag and bake it after hearing local Hawaiians say peacock meat was “quite delicious.”

Under oath, Maloney says she grew up eating wild game and when she “looked it up” peacocks are categorized as a pheasant. After beating the bird to death, Maloney says she remembers thinking, “Wow! A pheasant the size of a turkey.” Mmmmm.

Maloney wasn’t exactly repentant after the jury’s not guilty verdict. Her reaction? Maloney stated, “I’m going to Disney World. We’re going to have peacock souffle.” Maloney added it’s “open season” on peacocks and it’s “probably past time.”


Hilarious video of Maloney’s court testimony below: