Another great Charles Barkley golf segment

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Photo of new Tiger Woods “girlfriend”

ALYSE LAHTI JOHNSTON

Yay! Tiger Woods is reportedly having sex again.

However, the 22-year-old girl who is Woods’ apparent new “girlfriend” is getting absolutely KILLED by the tabloid and gossip media. One site said Alyse Lahti Johnston looks like she’s on meth. Numerous sports and entertainment blogs are running an old picture of Miss Johnston following her DUI arrest.

Lahti is the daughter of former MLB pitcher Jeff Lahti and the stepdaughter of an IMG bigwig, IMG is the agency that represents Woods.

DUSTIN JOHNSON TAKES A MULLIGAN AFTER SCORING WITH NATALIE GULBIS

NATALIE GULBIS: UNBELIEVABLY, STONED BY FELLOW GOLFER

Over the weekend, golfer Dustin Johnson told the world, “I’m a single guy.” Johnson’s proclaimation comes just days after hottie golfer Natalie Gulbis told golf.com that she and Johnson were dating. Apparently, that was news to Johnson.

DUSTIN JOHNSON IS A MAJOR  DOUCHE PLAYAH

PORN STAR CATFIGHT ERUPTS OVER TIGER WOODS

DEVON JAMES

JOSLYN JAMES

A pair of porn stars, both of whom claim to have had sex with golfer Tiger Woods are feuding and it’s getting ugly. The battle between Devon James and Joslyn James (no relation) has become so intense that the former has threatened to “kill” her rival.

Devon James claims that Joslyn is “evil” and “everyone hates that bitch.”

Joslyn James counters by saying Devon is bad in bed.

WORST…MISTRESS…EVAH!

RACHEL UCHITEL

With his divorce now final and his ex-wife running to People magazine, golfer Tiger Woods is officially a free agent again. There’s lots of speculation about what that means but here’s an idea: DON’T go within 1,000 miles of your gold digging former mistress Rachel Uchitel.

Uchitel recently gave an interview where she said she wanted to “rekindle” her relationship with Woods. No Way! Tiger would be smarter to light HIMSELF on fire. More than anyone, Uchitel is responsible for ruining Woods’ life.

Uchitel has apparently had three ways of making money over the past couple of years:

* nightclub VIP hostess

* purveyor of prostitutes and drugs for rich guys

* banging celebrities

Unfortunately, Uchitel sucked at all three jobs and for the same reason-SHE COULDN’T KEEP HER MOUTH SHUT.

Here’s the photo the attorney for actor David Boreanaz’s wife got to take into divorce court. While she was seven months pregnant. It’s a picture Uchitel posed for:

ACTOR DAVID BOREANAZ ALSO HAD HIS LIFE RUINED BY RACHEL UCHITEL

If you want to keep score of how bad a mistress Uchitel is you can add the millions she cost Boreanaz to the HUNDREDS of millions she cost Tiger Woods. Now, THAT’S a bad mistresss!

ALL of Woods’ mistresses (and there were probably 40 of them) managed to keep their mouths shut while he was cheating on Elin Nordegren. Even the ones missing teeth.

JAIMEE GRUBBS

Plus, at least Jaimee Grubbs had enough sense to DENY! DENY! DENY! when confronted by Woods’ angry wife on a cell phone call.

All of Woods’ philandering became public knowledge because the National Enquirer broke the story of the golfer’s infidelities. Their source was a drug-addled party girl named Ashley Samson that Uchitel shot her mouth off to. Uchitel told Samson all about her affair with Woods who then told the National Enquirer (for money.)

UCHITEL AND FELLOW SLUT ASHLEY SAMSON

Uchitel then not only lied about the affair with Woods to the media but lied about the National Enquire as well. Bad move. The tabloid proceeded to CRUCIFY her. In what could probably be a textbook case in future college classes of Yellow Journalism 101, the Enquirer came out with a scathing story accusing Uchitel of being a liar and a homewrecker “who has a reputation for dating married celebrities.”

The Enquirer also portrayed Uchitel as a sexting and drug addict while calling her a “liar” in print. Finally, the tabloid not only flat out says that Uchitel uses drugs but runs a quote from her telling a friend that she LOVES drugs,

“because you have crazier sex.”

JACK NICKLAUS HITS 100-FOOT PUTT

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TIGER WOODS SHOOTS THE WORST 72 HOLES OF GOLF OF HIS LIFE

TIGER WOODS

Talk about piling on! EVERYBODY likes to kick a guy when he’s down.

Thus, after golfer Tiger Woods finished the poorest performance of his career this weekend, critics were quick to pounce. International headlines screamed, “Humiliation!” Woods shot a 7 over par 72 Sunday and finished the Bridgestone Invitational at an incredibly miserable 18 over par. It was the worst 72-hole total of Woods’ professional or amateur career and came in a tournament he had previously dominated. Woods has won the Bridgestone seven times.

Woods moped through Sunday sucking shot after shot. With a newly-acquired goatee, he literally looked like his own evil twin.

As the late basketball star Wilt Chamberlain was fond of saying, “Nobody roots for Goliath.” Woods’ unaccustomed failures have allowed critics to attack a guy who not that long ago seemed invincible and a shoo-in to break Jack Nicklaus’ record for most Major victories. Some are demanding he be kicked off the Ryder Cup team. Others seem positively delighted at Woods’ failures.

All of this will simply make it even sweeter when Woods returns to form and starts winning golf tournaments again. If he DOESN’T return to form it won’t matter. It will simply mean that NOBODY is watching golf anymore and the sport will fade into obscurity.

TIGER’S EVIL TWIN?

IRONY: GOLFER MICHELLE WIE SUFFERS HEATSTROKE FROM LACK OF WATER-AT TOURNAMENT SPONSORED BY EVIAN

MICHELLE WIE: DIAGNOSED WITH HEATSTROKE

Golfer Michelle Wie was pulled off the course Wednesday at the Evian Masters in France. Wie was suffering from heatstroke.

GOLFER GOES GANGSTA

MATT EVERY

It’s not every day that a PGA player gets busted with weed. Rookie golfer Matt Every was arrested in an Iowa casino and charged with possession of a controlled substance (marijuana.)

HE’S BACK

TIGER WOODS

For the first time in a long time people are writing and talking about Tiger Woods and it actually has to do with his brilliant golf play. Woods put together one of the greatest nine holes of his life Saturday. Woods shot a third round 66 at the U.S. Open including a 31 on the back nine. That enabled him to move from tied for 25th place to third heading into today’s final round.

It was by far Woods’ best golf since his return from injury and scandal.