Apple has more cash than the U.S. Government

As cultist Republican Congressman prepare to destroy the American economy today by refusing to raise the debt ceiling, they may want to consider this: According to daily statistics provided by the U.S. Treasury, the government actually has less cash on hand than the computer company Apple.

Businessinsider.com has an amazing article today. It explains that, as of yesterday, the United States of America has $73.8 billion of actual cash on hand laying around. Apple’s last earnings report indicates they have $76.2 billion in cash.

Crazy! Check out the miles-long line to the only In-N-Out Burger in Texas

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Oil company executives swear their allegiance to Satan

Lenny Dykstra arrested

LENNY DYKSTRA

Former New York Mets and World Series star Lenny Dykstra was arrested and charged with bankruptcy fraud on Friday. Dykstra had surrendered his two multi-million dollar mansions in bankruptcy proceeding. He is accused by the U.S. Attorney’s Office in Los Angeles of going back into those properties and stealing back some of his items he had already surrendered to the bankruptcy court.

Dykstra’s bail is $500,000. He had been hyped as some type of idiot savant stock picker by financial “experts” like CNBC huckster Jim Cramer:

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BRITISH WOMEN BEING DUPED BY “MIRACLE” ASS PILLS

WANT THAT KARDASHIANESQUE ASS THAT MEN LOVE?

The next time a woman asks you, “Do these jeans make my butt look big?” you may want to answer, “Yes!”

The British tabloid The Sun has gotten a lot of mileage out of a story this weekend that reveals thousands of women in Europe are take “chicken fattening pills” to make their butts bigger. According to The Sun,

‘Women are so desperate for a bigger bottom they are risking their lives by taking pills designed to fatten up chickens.”

The pills are called an “herbal supplement.” In reality, many of the pills may contain animal hormones that have been linked to breast cancer and liver disease when used by humans.

THIS IS WHY EVERYBODY HATES THEIR BANK

Sadly, a young woman in Kansas died recently, just after graduating from college. The grieving family’s misery was compounded when Wells Fargo decided to come after the girl’s heirs, claiming they owed the bank for her $45,000 in student loans.

After a local tv station ran a story on the bank’s evilness, in which they pointed out that the parents never co-signed the loan and that the girl was legally an adult, Wells Fargo dropped their collection efforts.

SEASONS GREETINGS FROM HARRODS

 

This may be the greatest guy-getting-fired story since Steven Slater at Jet Blue.

Lloyd Hudson was fired from his security job at Harrods department store in England. Lloyd went home and drank “the best part of” two bottles of whiskey. He then returned to the store where he gained “access to a maintenance control room and had Harrods Christmas lights display the following message:

“F**K OFF”

The F-off message went viral on Twitter.

REAL LIFE SOUP NAZIS

Terrific, you can now add Campbell’s Soup to the Girl Scouts and the Statue of Liberty as things that lunatic Tea Party douchebags have now deemed unAmerican.

The same far right blogger who started the anti-Muslim Ground Zero Mosque controversy has managed to gin up a firestorm of controversy over the fact that Campbell’s now sells some soups in Canada and around the world that comply with halal dietary guidelines. Just like there’s kosher soups and Kelloggs has been selling halal-friendly cereal since 1988. Also, the soups have been on store shelves for almost a year.

No matter. Apparently when you eat soup the terrorists have won. Simply by making a free market decision to even consider selling soup to a billion potential Muslim customers, Campbell’s has incurred the wrath of the angry right. There is now even a Facebook page dedicated to boycotting Campbell’s Soup for being pro-Muslim.

The ignorance of the soup boycott has made America an international laughingstock.

KFC PLACES ADS…ON GIRLS BUTTS

Kentucky Fried Chicken has garnered national attention, as well as incurring the wrath of feminist groups like NOW, with a new advertising campaign. The fast food chain is advertising its “Double Down” sandwich by paying college girls to wear outfits with a KFC logo strategically placed on their butts.

BP SCREWS FISHERMEN IN GULF ONCE AGAIN

Angry fishermen in the Gulf Coast walked out of a meeting with British Petroleum yesterday following a controversial decision by the oil company. BP announced that it would subtract any money earned by the fishermen in oil spill cleanup from the $20 billion fund set to compensate the spill’s victims.

The fishermen said it was literally “pointless” to aid BP with their cleanup in any fashion.