Pedobear attends Jerry Sandusky trial

Florida mug shot of the day

Hall of Fame baseball writer accused of serial child molestation

BILL CONLIN

Longtime Philadelphia Daily News baseball columnist Bill Conlin immediately retired from the newspaper yesterday after being accused by four people of molesting them while they were children in the ’70s. One of the accusers is Conlin’s own niece.

Pennsylvania prosecutors say even though Conlin allegedly abused “so many people” through the years they were unable to bring a case because of the statute of limitations.

In addition to his newspaper column, Conlin worked for years at The Sporting News and ESPN.

Officer of the Year caught dealing meth

DAVID BRITTO

Until yesterday, Boynton Beach police office David Britto had quite the amazing resume. Not only was Britto the city’s 2010 “Officer of the Year” with an amazing ability to track down drug dealers, but he also found time to work with at risk youth, serve as an instucor at the Teen Police Academy, run a popular website, write a Christian blog and moonlight as a “life coach.” The 28-year-old Britto was also a former Marine.

With all this going on you’d think it would be hard for Britto to secretly be working another job. Yet he was. As a METH DEALER. Britto was recently arrested. Authorities say he had secretly been selling meth for the past two years even as he had been blogging about the teachings of Jesus Christ at the site blessedwarrior.com.

Constitutional scholar of the day

LARRY WAYNE KELLY

A Florida man claiming to be a “sovereign citizen” was arrested after shooting up an empty seafood restaurant with an AK-47. Larry Wayne Kelly reportedly became “incredibly irate” after being informed that the restaurant ran out of crawfish.

Tractor permanently parked

 

TRACTOR TRAYLOR

The condition of former college basketball star Robert “Tractor” Traylor has stabilized. He’s dead.

Traylor apparently suffered a “massive heart attack” in Puerto Rico. The former Michigan star and NBA journeyman was known for a couple of things: 1.) according to the FBI, Traylor was paid $616,000 in cash from former bookie-rurned-friend-of-the-program Ed Martin while attending Michigan as an “amateur” athlete and 2.) he faced the possibility of DECADES in prison for financing his cousin-the biggest drug dealer in Michigan history.

Scorned mistress keeps making Barry Bonds her personal pinata

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Apparently, hell hath no fury like a mistress scorned. The Barry Bonds trial continued Tuesday with what has been described as its “Ew phase.”Scuzzy personal detail after detail was unveiled by the baseball slugger’s longtime mistress, Kimberly Bell. Bonds testicles shrank. He was bad in bed. He had sexual dysfunction. Bonds once threatened to cut Bell’s head off. And her breasts.

Don’t think it was just tabloids and snarky blogs covering this nonsense. Even highbrow media organizations like the Wall Street Journal and The Atlantic are covering the Bonds steroids/perjury trial. Granted, they’re calling it “Godforsaken.”

The battle of Bell vs Bonds’ lawyers in court has already been described as a “cringefest.” Bell has already described Barry’s shrinking testicles and how the baseball Home Run King threatened to cut her head off and “cut out my breast implants because he paid for them.”

Bell has already given interviews where she described Bonds as a “selfish” lover. She told Playboy magazine in 2007, “I always figured he had PMS, like a woman.”

HERE’S SOMETHING YOU NEVER WANT TO SEE: A COURTROOM SKETCH OF YOUR FORMER MISTRESS TESTIFYING AGAINST YOU

Barry Bonds’ tiny testicles about to become a matter of public record

KIMBERLY BELL

The Barry Bonds perjury trial continues today. Kimberly Bell, one of the government’s star witnesses against baseball’s Home Run King, is expected to take the stand today.  The government is expecting Barry’s former mistress to establish: 1.) That he has very small testicles and was a bust in bed as a result of his frequent steroid use and 2.) Bonds is a complete and total dick and liar.

Bonds reportedly confided in Bell that he knowingly used steroids and lied about it to a grand jury and federal investigators. Not only is Bell’s testimony potentially incredibly damaging to the Bonds defense, but she also saved 11 incriminating voicemails that the prosecution was going to use as evidence of “roid rage.” Fortunately for Bonds, a judge threw out the tapes. However, the transcripts of the voicemails have already been leaked to the media.

In addition to graphic sexual testimony, Bell, who once posed in Playboy, is also expected to tell of how Bonds’ head and feet grew while he was in his mid-30’s not to mention his disgusting bacne. The prosecution also wants to paint Bonds as abusive. In 14 pages of voicemail transcripts leaked by the prosecution, Bonds starts one message to Bell,

“Hey, bitch…”

All of the voicemails to Bell are profane, hostile and abusive. He repeatedly calls his mistress a “bitch” and a “f—ing slut.” On one voice message, Bonds orders Bell to “drop every f—ing thing and call me.”

Scumbag shot to death with beauty queen’s pink gun

MEGHAN BROWN EXERCISING HER SECOND AMENDMENT RIGHTS WITH HER PINK GUN

Here is the quintessential Fox News story. A 25-year-old former beauty queen shot a “burly ex-con” to death  earlier this month during a home invasion. Bonus: Meghan Brown killed the guy with her pink ,38 caliber handgun.

Photo of the woman who shoved 54 bags of heroin and $51.22 into her vagina

KARIN MACKALIUNAS: TA DA THE ARISTOCRATS

A 27-year-old Scranton, Pennsylvania woman has been hit with drug charges after police found “54 bags of heroin, 31 empty bags used to package heroin, 8.5 prescription pills and $51.22 stuffed inside her vagina.

Local Pennsylvania press has been trying to outscoop each other on details of the story while at the same time struggling over how to phrase the word “vagina” in a family paper.  The Wilkes Barre paper preferred the term “body cavity” while the Scranton paper chose to use the phrase that the woman put the drugs “inside herself.”

Meanwhile, phillyburbs.com had the most penetrating vagina reporting. They revealed that the drugs found inside the woman were Xanax and even had the brand of heroin the woman shoved inside herself (“Black Magic.”) Phillyburbs also had details of Mackaliunas’arrest. After police arrested her with three bags of heroin, they noticed her moving around “suspiciously” in the back of the squad car. First, police observed her putting “her hands inside her underwear.” The cops then noticed “instead of getting the drugs out, she was attempting to shove them inside.”