How Barack Obama ruined the Boston Celtics

Shaquille O’Neal has a new book coming out. As expected, “Shaq Uncut” is going to be AWESOME!

An excerpt of the bio, written by former Boston Globe now ESPN columnist Jackie McMullen, has been released. The highlight everyone is focusing on is a story Shaq tells about President Barack Obama ruining teammate Rajon Rondo’s jump shot. According to Shaq, several Celtics (including O’Neal, Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen and point guard Rondo) attended a charity fundraiser and ended up playingball with president Obama.

At one point, according to O’Neal, the President turns to Allen and says, “Hey, Ray, why don’t you teach this kid how to shoot?”

A devastated Rondo apparently never regained his jumper and his shooting got worse and worse because of the joke.

Andrew Bynum is a 7-foot dick

Los Angeles Lakers center Andrew Bynum was busted by the local NBC tv station parking his BMW in not one, but two, handicapped parking spots.

ANDREW BYNUM

Tony Parker’s awesome jet pack

Former Jazz first rounder busted with massive amounts of weed

JOSE ORTIZ

Former NBA player Jose Ortiz has been arrested in Puerto Rico after police found 218 marijuana plants and 40 rounds of ammunition for an assault rifle in his house.

Ortiz was one of the best basketball players in the history of Puerto Rico. After starring at Oregon State, he was a first round pick by the Utah Jazz in 1988. Ortiz played two seasons with the Jazz then 14 years internationally. He was a member of the Puerto Rican national team for twenty years, playing in four Olympics.

Though not much of an NBA player, Ortiz has been referred to as an “icon” in various news reports from Puerrto Rico regarding his arrest. Ortiz is so revedred in Puerto Rico that he had been considering a career in politics.

ORTIZ’S POT

ORTIZ’S BULLETS

 

AT LEAST HE WROTE EVERYTHING DOWN

The Big Sexy indeed – Is there a Shaq sex tape?

During a trial of L.A. gang members this week, a music producer admits there once WAS a sex tape of former NBA star Shaquille O’Neal but that it no longer exists. Robert Ross says the tape was erased.

Ross testified that he was kidnapped, beaten and threatened by seven gang members who are now on trial. He claims the men threatened him if he didn’t deliver the Shaq sex tape. Ross had been in a finacial dispute with Shaq and his manager over a commission upon delivering the musician Ray J. Shaq’s people refused to pay Ross. He retaliated by threatening to leak the tape of O’Neal having sex with a woman who was not his wife. Shortly after the dispute, the gang members allegedly kidnapped Ross.

Police investigating the case did interview Shaq but he was not charged. Ross testified in court that the tape was “gone.” He claims there was a tape recorded on his home security camera but it was recorded over.

John Wall needs to stick to basketball

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Young Washington Wizards star point guard John Wall threw out what is being called the “worst first pitch ever” at a Nationals baseball game.

Somebody snaps picture of Mark Cuban taking a leak while holding NBA Championship trophy

LeBron James making run at title “Most Despised Athlete in World History”

DWYANE WADE AND LEBRON JAMES CAN NO LONGER SHOW THEIR FACES IN PUBLIC

It’s bad enough that LeBron James has gone from The Chosen One to the most certified choke artist in sports history. That’s hardly surprising considering his continuous and endless string of tank job performances in The NBA Finals. Particularly, in the fourth quarter. However, now, unbelievably, James is turning more and more unlikeable. As even comedians like Stephen Colbert have pointed out, nobody roots for the “overdog” any more.

At the Game Six postgame press conference on Sunday, James was asked if it bothered him that so many people hated his guts. James, who had just virtually singlehandedly choked away an NBA Championship, had an interesting response. He answered the question by blasting everybody who makes less money than him which, of course, would be 99.99999999999999999 percent of the human race.

 LeBron chided the haters by pointing out that, although he doesn’t have a ring, when he wakes up tomorrow he’ll still be living the good life. Meanwhile, his brokeass critics will still be living their shitty little lives and be in the “real world.”

Watch the video below and prepare to be appalled.

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Shaquille O’Neal retirement press conference

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The assassination of Michael Jordan’s character by the coward Scottie Pippen

SCOTTIE PIPPEN

Scottie Pippen should die of shame. Unfortunately, since he’s already beat women, commited crimes (repeatedly) and been the most gutless quitter in basketball history with no remorse, there’s little chance of that.

Friday, Pippen said in an ESPN Radio interview that 0-time NBA champion LeBron James was be a better all-around player than his former teammate, Michael Jordan. You know, the SIX-time champion. The greatest basketball player who ever live. The guy who was named the greatest athlete in American (world) history.

The exact phrase Pippen used was, “LeBron James is probably the greatest player to ever play the game.” This is after James and the Miami Heat eliminated HIS Bulls to advance to the NBA Finals.

What a joke! Jordan won all six of those NBA titles. Pippen was an accident of history who was merely along for the ride. While Jordan won six NBA Finals MVP awards, Pippen never even received a single MVP vote. Not even in 1991 when he had his best series against the Lakers.

Pippen’s backstabbing of Jordan was greeted with universal outrage and scorn in the city of Chicago. Hell, around the world. To compound the indignity, Pippen originally Tweeted how he stood behind is statement. However, as the day progressed, Pippen continued to shrink and back away from his Jordan-bashing comments. Typical Pippen. Folding like a paper napkin under pressure.

What an ungreatful dick. Jordan made Pippen everything he is today. Maybe that’s the problem. Pippen is an overrated, flat broke, woman-beating coward whose actions “stink of an MJ complex.”

How wrong was Pippen in his assessment? Here’s an informal sample, Darren Rovell of CNBC ran a Twitter poll on the Jordan/James debate in which %94.6 of voters picked Jordan.